Are you talking about me?!

Warning! This is a mushy post!

Recently I inquired about a scholarship that I was not eligible for and in Christina fashion I questioned the "rightness" of that rule.  It turned out that this said rule was incorrect and I am eligible. It felt good to know that I am helping myself and others by this small change.  Then came the requirements. "I need what!?" - two letters from employers or teachers by the due date 3 weeks down the road.  If you know me, I am not one for keeping in touch with folks, which now I am seeing to be a flaw due to this application.

I emailed the only teacher that I knew would remember me since I used to also go to the library he ran.  I waited nervously for the reply.  As I waited my husband looked people up for me on the Air Force global address list (I hope this was legal).  I made sure to not give him any names of supervisors that I did not leave on good terms with or ones that my time with them was short lived.  I also did not want to bother former commanders, as they are probably either still commanders or even higher in the food chain and in my mind would be aggravated enough by this menial request to have my husband demoted. I know it sounds a little overboard.  I gave him a small list of 6. He came back with addresses for 5 of them.  I picked 2 to email, my last supervisor and my second to last first sergeant (although technically I did not work for him, but I considered him to be a part of my supervision staff since I did a lot of work for him). Then the waiting game began.

As I waited, I asked two friends to write me letters also.  One was from Girl Scouts and one was from a previous assignment.  They wrote awesome letters for me and it meant so much to me. Waiting....waiting....waiting...all this time I am thinking "who the heck would want to write me a letter? I am nothing special."  The first response came in from my teacher 2 or 3 days later.  I stared at the unopened email for at least a minute before opening it. I was so relieved when he said it would be done by Friday ("woo hoo!") and he had to locate the grade-book from way back.  That little nugget of information told me that he wanted to do the letter and did not just feel obligated. The second response came late at night last night.  Something told me to check my email while my husband was watching one of his annoying immature shows that rhymes with "Josh point toes."  I was once again re-leaved that my last supervisor remembered me after almost 4 years and was glad to write me a letter. Fast forward past my restless sleep to this morning...

This morning I opened the email from my supervisor with the letter attached.  I lost my breath reading it.  What he had to say about me made me feel so special.  It brought me back to the days of being in the Air Force and forced me to remember how much I helped people even if I had to stick my neck out.  On the rare occasion I would get a thank you, but I could always tell that I made a difference (tear).  I wondered where this feeling went when I left the service. I know it is said that parenting is an ungrateful job, but I cannot even see where I am making a difference. 

I told a friend of mine about this epiphany and how the letter moved me and then I guess she decided it was her turn to make me cry. Here is a little back story about me and this friend.  We worked together in a way and we could not stand each other.  I thought she was the rudest person, although I had never really talked to her much and I still do not know why she did not like me.  Well a mutual acquaintance confided in me as to why this person was so unhappy and asked if I would give her a chance.  Well this acquaintance should have been a match maker because my friend and I needed each other at that moment and for the rest of our lives.  We were both going through similar things and helped each other become confident and strong.  We do not always talk to each other, but I know if I ever need her she would be there and vice-versa.  Any-who....today she decided to tell me how awesome I am and how I affected her life and the tears came poring out.  I will forever be grate for this friend for her help in the past, her knowing what I need when I need it, and for just being the awesome person she is.

So for anyone reading this, just because your life is different for what ever reason it does not mean you are any less of a necessity to the world.  Your purpose may have changed; you just need to find it. (now I sound like a certain person on a show that rhymes with "Kev and Futon" lol)