PCS - T-minus 10 days Until I am a Single Parent, AGAIN!

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. - Bill Cosby

As I am writing this post, I have 10 days left until my husband leaves for Korea for a year. It has been a stressful and emotional month. The kids are getting out of control and I am dreading the single parent-dome that is upon me. Not the easy single parenting where you send your kids to the other parent every other weekend and summers, but the hard single parenting where you have your children 24/7, 365 with no rest or reprieve in sight. There will be no more mom and dad, good cop and bad cop, or back up parent when I am not feeling good and don't want to go to Girl Scouts. Just me!

I have been reviewing my parenting classes that I subscribed to about 11 months ago (check it out, the first session is free). I am trying to arm myself with sanity and order. We will need it! I realized yesterday that I have a lot of "rules" and "consequences" to try to remember and it seems that I am going to be "punished" more than my children who do the misbehaving (not that I do not throw a fit every now and then). I also realized that they bombard me with so much negativity that I do not want to be around them for anything fun. <--- that has to change!

The number one "tool" in the parenting tool box is spending quality time with your children one on one every day. This is easy for my little one. Not so much for my older girls. They do not feel time with me is a priority until 10pm at night. And then its only because they want something from me. So I have the problem(s), but what are the solutions? I texted with my brother last night and he helped me realize two things. One, I need to give responsibility back to my children (based on their age level). Two, I need to be off duty by 8pm unless it is an emergency.

How do you give responsibility to a child? Well, my first order of business was to empower my 4 year old to get herself ready in the morning and evening. I made her checklists for both and introduced the morning one today. She loved it, even half asleep. The second part, and most difficult, will be to be to not feel guilty if she is late to VPK or cries at bedtime. The older girls will be much more difficult. They have perfected the art of making mom feel bad and ignoring messes, checklists or to do lists. (I'm not kidding. I have a fly on my counter that my kids have ignored during chore time for three days now. Yes I do say something earlier in the day, but they are doing their chores later at night and I am too tired to give a crap by then...ha! they win).

I have a few more steps to take with them. Number one, give Kailah back her responsibility with school. She may be home-schooled, but I am not her teacher. I am her parent. That was the whole purpose of virtual school. This is going to be hard because I sometimes think I want success for her more than she does. Next up, setting up no more than 5 big rules with consequences. Last, enforce them!

My second order of business is my duty hours and availability. I am up at 6am dealing with children and it does not end until almost 11pm. That is crazy! I do not get a break at work. I do not get a break when they go to school because I have a home-schooler. That would drive anyone batty. The other issue is I am too available to them. Does anyone my age or older remember what is was like when mom ran to the grocery store? THERE WERE NO CELL PHONES! If mom left you home she believed you were old enough to take care of yourself for that short amount of time. My children on the other hand use this time to text me every 5 minutes asking me for things. To remedy that I have come up with idea to turn off the sound to my text messages. They can call me if its an emergency (and get hung up on if its not). Of course that goes for everyone now. I do, however check my texts regularly, but at least now I do not have to hear it beckon me. I am also going to enforce the "if I am in my room or bathroom, I am unavailable" rule. There are only 2 exceptions to that rule: (1) emergencies (2) to say bye.

Finally, I am going to close "mom" at 8pm so Christina can have some time. This will be the number one rule that supersedes all other rules. If your chores are not done by 8pm, then you can start them back up at 5am when I wake you up to finish them (I am a morning person...this will not affect me). If you forgot to get a drink of water, then I guess you should keep a cup in the bathroom. If you forgot you needed help with homework or to sign something, then I guess it won't get done. This will be the hardest for me to enforce because I am such a sap.

If you have any other suggestions for me, please leave a comment. I read them all :D