During my 11.5 years in the Air Force I was away from my children 3 times. Once to 7 level school for 2 weeks, once for an exercise in Alaska for 3 weeks, and my deployment in 2006 for almost 6 months. Those were some of the toughest times for me. Soon I will be heading to Hawaii on my own and boy do I feel guilty. At least when I was in the Air Force it was a part of my job, but this is a family vacation that I do not get to take my family on and I am so sad.
So it is time for me to start preparing myself and my family for my deployment. I am so nervous to leave my children because as all us moms know, no one can be mom like we can. I do not want to make my husband feel like he is incompetent, but I also do not want my kids to feel confused when things are not going the way mom does it. I have been trying to decide how I want to handle this. Do I want to put specific instructions on a piece of paper for each day? Do I want to prepare meals and freeze them? I know if I do this, these things will probably be forgotten anyways.
Also, how do I prepare my children for my departure. I have never left my toddler and I know how hard it is on my 10 year old when I leave. She was so upset when I was deployed that I ended up inheriting her new best friend, a cat, when I got back. I cannot tell them that this is my job. I have to be honest and say "this was meant to be a family vacation to see your cousin graduate from high school, but life got the better of our finances and now only mommy can go." I keep running scenarios in my head about how I am going to send them video messages in the morning and before bed and call them and send them photos the whole time, but in all honesty I am pretty sure that I am going to be having fun and could possibly forget a video or two. How do I deal with that guilt?
I am also planning in my head how much stuff I can fit in a small suitcase. I got quite a bit of stuff in my "ruck sack", so this should be a breeze, right? I have to also remember I am trying to be cheap and pack food too, because Hawaii is EXPENSIVE. The closer it gets, the more stressed out I get and I just have to keep telling myself that it is too early to pack, even in my head.
Although I am stressed out about a trip to Hawaii and sharing my feelings, this in no way equates to what our military does everyday, leaving their families for months and years to fight for our country. I have a dear friend leaving soon and she has two little boys that will be missing her.
Thank you for your service. I salute you!
