Merry Christmas Eve!

I am so excited that it is Christmas Eve! This is the first time since 2008 that I have not been in my own house for Christmas. This year we traveled to my in laws in Texas for Christmas Vacation. I always get a little nervous when blending Christmas traditions from other families, but my in laws have been great. They are so laid back and I am sure they enjoy my cooky goofy ways.

Today I am baking cookies with my daughters. I already made gluten free sugar cookies with Kailah and Charlie. I found a recipe on my all recipe app for a simple sugar cookie. I substituted Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Gluten Free Baking Mix for the flour and substituted half the butter with mashed banana. Everyone seems to like them.

As I am typing this, I am waiting to make Chocolate Chip cookies with Kairah and Kaijah. Kaijah's science teacher used the recipe to teach her students how to use measurements. So we got the mix in a cute jar and just have to add the wet ingredients. (picture to follow soon).

I am so enjoying Christmas music on my iPhone via iheartradio. I really love technology sometimes :D Charlie has had so much fun today singing and dancing to the music. She even sings some of the songs, although some of the lyrics might be a little different.We have also been tracking Santa on NORAD through the computer and my iPhone.

It has been a great Christmas Eve so far.

Tell Him What you Want

Disclaimer: this post maybe be perceived as being a Scrooge, Grinch or just out right negative, but is in no way meant to be that way.

As most of you know, I have been married 4 times (3 husbands). During all of those failed relationships I would read and read and read, looking for advice to fix my relationships. It took me a while to realize, I just picked the wrong people at first. My first couple of Christmas experiences with my first husband was negative (although our Christmas together before getting married was nice, what happened?!). I pretty much shopped for myself or didn't receive anything. He was never really into the Christmas spirit.

I know Christmas is not about receiving, but it sure does feel nice when others think about you. I love being the giver, but it hurts so much when you do not receive anything. The only thing that ever saved my Christmas was my children and their wonderful made gifts. Often times they would be really sad because mommy didn't get presents from "daddy" or Santa. So, that is mainly why I would "treat" myself to a few things.

With all that being said, the best advice in my opinion that I ever received was "tell them what you want." It was said to me by many people and read in many books and articles. So with my new husband I decided to give this a try. Oh boy oh boy does this not work with my wonderful, loving, and giving husband. He does not like for me to tell him what I want. He seems to have either a stubborn streak or he wants to prove that he knows me better than I know myself.

This year I tried to ensure that I would love what he got me because in the past I either had to pretend or tell him and hurt his feelings. (There is nothing like explaining to your spouse why you don't wear something they bought you.) Now, to be clear he has only missed the mark maybe 3 times, but this year we are tight on money I really do not want something I do not absolutely love. (There was my selfish Grinchy statement. Yes I said it. If I am going to get a gift or gifts this year. I want to love it. I do not want to donate it to a Thrift Shop in 6 months)

Any how, I made a new rule: we will only buy what is one our wish lists (because even I have to admit I hardly ever follow my kids lists, so this was a challenge for me too). I received a super long list from Kairah and Kaijah, a super short list from Kailah and Charlie took pictures with things when we were in stores. Then I asked Lew to make a list, he didn't. I then made my list and put it with the others and texted it to him. It was so organized. It was broken down by price increments and had items under $20 all the way up to over $100 (knew we could not afford that, but hey I can wish right?). I even told him about things; like that cool vacuum robot or costume jewelry. I even sent him pictures when I saw random things in stores.

This leads me to last night and my sheer frustration and deep down desire that my husband really does knows me. We decided to do some present wrapping while we waited for one of our shows. He put my presents in boxes so I could not see what they were. When he came out with three boxes I was super surprised because  I did not expect to have so many gifts. I then asked him (with excitement) "oh wow; did you find some things on my list?" I even clapped my hands like a little kid. (I seriously love opening presents) He responded with "no, I did not use your list." I am pretty sure I gave him a crappy look, not intending too. He proceeded with," I think you are going to like what I got you." I attempted to have to conversation about the rules (because I like rules!), but gave up and just enjoyed wrapping presents with him.

I will continue to tell my husband what I want; from presents, to how to make the bed, to whatever. He will probably continue to ignore those requests. I guess maybe this is just how our awesome marriage works. Understand that I did not say perfect. I said awesome! It is awesome because we both decided about 2 years into our marriage that this really is forever. That was the first time I ever truly made that commitment and I could only make that commitment to him because he truly made the commitment to me. That was a first for me. I remember when he told me "stop pushing me away. I am not going anywhere. I love you and we will make this work." Did I ever tell you, my lovely readers, how much I love that man! - With all my heart, frustrations and all!!!!

'Tis the season...

'Tis the season for crafting, baking, and giving! Christmas is my favorite holiday for those three reasons. Even as a selfish teenager, I still enjoyed doing all those things just as much as receiving gifts. These three reasons are also why Christmas can be aggravating for me.

As you all know, I have 4 daughters and you would assume that they would enjoy taking part in some of my favorite things. This is so far from the truth that it cannot get much further. My children have never enjoyed crafting or baking. They enjoy the time they get to spend with me, but not the act. This shows in how little they take pride in their work. Over the years I have had to learn to try to overlook this "fault" (I use that term loosely because my children are perfect in their own individual ways, but my obsession with pride causes me to believe not taking pride to be a fault). I have to constantly tell them that it is okay to make mistakes, but not okay to purposefully not care about the end result of things. Now that my three eldest are teenagers or tweens, I am having more difficulty in finding things to do with them. Kailah seems to enjoy watching cartoons (the weird ones that I do not understand at all) and playing her flute. Kairah seems to enjoy sleeping and "momming" everyone. Kaijah seems to enjoy being annoying. What is a mom supposed to do with this? If I try to do crafts with them, knowing full well they do not enjoy them, I get a kid that rushes to get back to cartoons, a kid that tells everyone what to do, and one that just annoys the crap outta everyone. LOL (I seriously laughed when I wrote that last sentence). Baking with my kids is a joke too. They refuse to follow recipes and anyone that bakes knows, you have to follow a recipe; its a science. The crafting and baking is only the beginning.

(L) Lew made me a Christmas decoration w. everyone's picture (R) Kairah made Lew a holder for his name tag etc. 

My biggest frustration during Christmas is the giving part. I have two children who are giving when they are told to be giving and one that is as selfish as one can possibly be. I do not say that to sound mean. My oldest has always been self-centered. It is just in her nature. (Yes I believe that nature always beats out nurture, how else do you explain successful people with crappy parents, or crappy people with wonderful parents) She would have been the best only child ever. This year, I think I have finally given up on trying to force her to being selflessly giving. Three years ago, we decided (mostly due to the economy issues) that we would change how we did gift giving. We started doing "secret Santa" among their cousins and within our family. Each one of my children pulled a cousin's name to buy/make a gift and we all picked a name for our immediate family. This year we added making or baking things for our extended family and friends. Everyone participates, even if they are reluctant. This year, Kailah has been expressly defiant. So, I grew tired of fighting with her and did not coerce her to make anything. Our boxes have one less baked good and I made her cousin gift. More than likely I will make her family gift also.

(L) I made an applique for Kailah's shirt (R) Kailah decorated suspenders for Kairah

I know some might disagree with me about not forcing her to participate, but people she is 14 and this is not life or death. She will have to live with the "guilt" or not. I have made a parental decision to make peace with my child's personality trait and hope that one day some great thing will happen to change it. Until then I chose to love her the way she is. Maybe this is my way of giving to her. This is what anyone wants right? To be loved and accepted for who you are no matter what. It freaked her out that I was not mad about making the gift. I told her that I was disappointed that she put her wants before someone else, but I have accepted it.

(L) Charlie decorated a bookmark for Kaijah (R) Kaijah made a pillow for Charlie (Kaijah and her silly faces;)

So instead I chose to live by this statement this year "'tis the season for unconditional love and acceptance."