Tell Him What you Want

Disclaimer: this post maybe be perceived as being a Scrooge, Grinch or just out right negative, but is in no way meant to be that way.

As most of you know, I have been married 4 times (3 husbands). During all of those failed relationships I would read and read and read, looking for advice to fix my relationships. It took me a while to realize, I just picked the wrong people at first. My first couple of Christmas experiences with my first husband was negative (although our Christmas together before getting married was nice, what happened?!). I pretty much shopped for myself or didn't receive anything. He was never really into the Christmas spirit.

I know Christmas is not about receiving, but it sure does feel nice when others think about you. I love being the giver, but it hurts so much when you do not receive anything. The only thing that ever saved my Christmas was my children and their wonderful made gifts. Often times they would be really sad because mommy didn't get presents from "daddy" or Santa. So, that is mainly why I would "treat" myself to a few things.

With all that being said, the best advice in my opinion that I ever received was "tell them what you want." It was said to me by many people and read in many books and articles. So with my new husband I decided to give this a try. Oh boy oh boy does this not work with my wonderful, loving, and giving husband. He does not like for me to tell him what I want. He seems to have either a stubborn streak or he wants to prove that he knows me better than I know myself.

This year I tried to ensure that I would love what he got me because in the past I either had to pretend or tell him and hurt his feelings. (There is nothing like explaining to your spouse why you don't wear something they bought you.) Now, to be clear he has only missed the mark maybe 3 times, but this year we are tight on money I really do not want something I do not absolutely love. (There was my selfish Grinchy statement. Yes I said it. If I am going to get a gift or gifts this year. I want to love it. I do not want to donate it to a Thrift Shop in 6 months)

Any how, I made a new rule: we will only buy what is one our wish lists (because even I have to admit I hardly ever follow my kids lists, so this was a challenge for me too). I received a super long list from Kairah and Kaijah, a super short list from Kailah and Charlie took pictures with things when we were in stores. Then I asked Lew to make a list, he didn't. I then made my list and put it with the others and texted it to him. It was so organized. It was broken down by price increments and had items under $20 all the way up to over $100 (knew we could not afford that, but hey I can wish right?). I even told him about things; like that cool vacuum robot or costume jewelry. I even sent him pictures when I saw random things in stores.

This leads me to last night and my sheer frustration and deep down desire that my husband really does knows me. We decided to do some present wrapping while we waited for one of our shows. He put my presents in boxes so I could not see what they were. When he came out with three boxes I was super surprised because  I did not expect to have so many gifts. I then asked him (with excitement) "oh wow; did you find some things on my list?" I even clapped my hands like a little kid. (I seriously love opening presents) He responded with "no, I did not use your list." I am pretty sure I gave him a crappy look, not intending too. He proceeded with," I think you are going to like what I got you." I attempted to have to conversation about the rules (because I like rules!), but gave up and just enjoyed wrapping presents with him.

I will continue to tell my husband what I want; from presents, to how to make the bed, to whatever. He will probably continue to ignore those requests. I guess maybe this is just how our awesome marriage works. Understand that I did not say perfect. I said awesome! It is awesome because we both decided about 2 years into our marriage that this really is forever. That was the first time I ever truly made that commitment and I could only make that commitment to him because he truly made the commitment to me. That was a first for me. I remember when he told me "stop pushing me away. I am not going anywhere. I love you and we will make this work." Did I ever tell you, my lovely readers, how much I love that man! - With all my heart, frustrations and all!!!!