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Towards the end of last year I decided to start
taking dating seriously. I was fed up with not having my needs met. I started
evaluating why things were not going as well as I wanted them to. I enlisted
the help of a friend…well he decided he was going to keep me from making the same mistakes I always
have because he said I deserve way more than I have gotten in the past. Since
then I have not had a frivolous encounter, have either cut off or friend zoned
dudes that were not meeting my needs, and have not been on a date because every dude wants to “just have fun.”
It has been an interesting and emotional 6 months
or so. The few single friends that I did have had become coupled and I felt
like such a loser. But I was quickly reminded by some friends that are in not
so happy relationships, that I must not settle just so I am not alone. I have
my days that I am very lonely, but those have become few and far between now.
As time has gone on, I have noticed a shift in some
of the advice I get now. People, that have in the past told me not to settle, are now encouraging me to “take care of the cobwebs” or just have fun. Even more
recently I have folks trying to hook me up with dudes. Just two weeks ago I had
some one tell me that a guy was interested in them, but they could hook me up (since
they were in a relationship and unable to pursue anything with him). Then just
a few days ago a person I know offered to hook me up with a guy that had been
relentlessly chasing them for almost two years because “he’s single.” Mind you
we met this dude on the same day. Apparently, I am not his type *insert
eyeroll*.
When did “he’s single” become the gold standard for
a connection? Are my standards supposed to be that low now because I have been
unattached for a little too long in some people’s eyes? These are the same
people that I told my previous relationship stories to and how in the past I have been THAT
girl that guys settle for because they cannot have who they really want. No,
thank you! And my favorite thing that was said to me after sharing these two
instances, “well, they are trying.”
Really!? These people are trying…”he’s single” is
considered being in my best interest and trying?! This is trying: “Christina, I
know this fantastic guy. I think you should meet up with him and see if you like
him. He works at [ABC Company] doing [blah blah blah amazing things]. He has [X] kids and does [awesome stuff] with them all the time. He is physically active
and even lifts weights. Maybe he can be your swolemate. You said that you were
looking for one.”
Single ladies ask me
all the time why it is so hard to be treated right by guys or find guys that
are willing to meet our needs and standards. Well this, my friends, is why.
People have lowered their standards so much that all it takes to make a
connection is to be single. All it takes to “brown chicken brown cow” is to
find a bored single person and buy them a drink. All it takes to not be alone
at night is to send a text to a lonely person. This is also why people end up
in terrible relationships but are afraid to leave. They are fearful of being alone.
I have learned to embrace it and my singleness. Do I want to be
single forever? Heck no! But I am looking for my forever, my partner in life,
my old people love. I am no longer looking for a paycheck, a sperm donor, or
fun time. I may have learned this a little late, but it’s not too late…right!?
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