I am going "TDY" (trip to Hawaii)

During my 11.5 years in the Air Force I was away from my children 3 times. Once to 7 level school for 2 weeks, once for an exercise in Alaska for 3 weeks, and my deployment in 2006 for almost 6 months.  Those were some of the toughest times for me. Soon I will be heading to Hawaii on my own and boy do I feel guilty. At least when I was in the Air Force it was a part of my job, but this is a family vacation that I do not get to take my family on and I am so sad.

So it is time for me to start preparing myself and my family for my deployment. I am so nervous to leave my children because as all us moms know, no one can be mom like we can. I do not want to make my husband feel like he is incompetent, but I also do not want my kids to feel confused when things are not going the way mom does it. I have been trying to decide how I want to handle this. Do I want to put specific instructions on a piece of paper for each day? Do I want to prepare meals and freeze them? I know if I do this, these things will probably be forgotten anyways.

Also, how do I prepare my children for my departure.  I have never left my toddler and I know how hard it is on my 10 year old when I leave. She was so upset when I was deployed that I ended up inheriting her new best friend, a cat, when I got back. I cannot tell them that this is my job. I have to be honest and say "this was meant to be a family vacation to see your cousin graduate from high school, but life got the better of our finances and now only mommy can go." I keep running scenarios in my head about how I am going to send them video messages in the morning and before bed and call them and send them photos the whole time, but in all honesty I am pretty sure that I am going to be having fun and could possibly forget a video or two. How do I deal with that guilt?

I am also planning in my head how much stuff I can fit in a small suitcase. I got quite a bit of stuff in my "ruck sack", so this should be a breeze, right?  I have to also remember I am trying to be cheap and pack food too, because Hawaii is EXPENSIVE. The closer it gets, the more stressed out I get and I just have to keep telling myself that it is too early to pack, even in my head.

Although I am stressed out about a trip to Hawaii and sharing my feelings, this in no way equates to what our military does everyday, leaving their families for months and years to fight for our country. I have a dear friend leaving soon and she has two little boys that will be missing her.

Thank you for your service. I salute you!

Are you talking about me?!

Warning! This is a mushy post!

Recently I inquired about a scholarship that I was not eligible for and in Christina fashion I questioned the "rightness" of that rule.  It turned out that this said rule was incorrect and I am eligible. It felt good to know that I am helping myself and others by this small change.  Then came the requirements. "I need what!?" - two letters from employers or teachers by the due date 3 weeks down the road.  If you know me, I am not one for keeping in touch with folks, which now I am seeing to be a flaw due to this application.

I emailed the only teacher that I knew would remember me since I used to also go to the library he ran.  I waited nervously for the reply.  As I waited my husband looked people up for me on the Air Force global address list (I hope this was legal).  I made sure to not give him any names of supervisors that I did not leave on good terms with or ones that my time with them was short lived.  I also did not want to bother former commanders, as they are probably either still commanders or even higher in the food chain and in my mind would be aggravated enough by this menial request to have my husband demoted. I know it sounds a little overboard.  I gave him a small list of 6. He came back with addresses for 5 of them.  I picked 2 to email, my last supervisor and my second to last first sergeant (although technically I did not work for him, but I considered him to be a part of my supervision staff since I did a lot of work for him). Then the waiting game began.

As I waited, I asked two friends to write me letters also.  One was from Girl Scouts and one was from a previous assignment.  They wrote awesome letters for me and it meant so much to me. Waiting....waiting....waiting...all this time I am thinking "who the heck would want to write me a letter? I am nothing special."  The first response came in from my teacher 2 or 3 days later.  I stared at the unopened email for at least a minute before opening it. I was so relieved when he said it would be done by Friday ("woo hoo!") and he had to locate the grade-book from way back.  That little nugget of information told me that he wanted to do the letter and did not just feel obligated. The second response came late at night last night.  Something told me to check my email while my husband was watching one of his annoying immature shows that rhymes with "Josh point toes."  I was once again re-leaved that my last supervisor remembered me after almost 4 years and was glad to write me a letter. Fast forward past my restless sleep to this morning...

This morning I opened the email from my supervisor with the letter attached.  I lost my breath reading it.  What he had to say about me made me feel so special.  It brought me back to the days of being in the Air Force and forced me to remember how much I helped people even if I had to stick my neck out.  On the rare occasion I would get a thank you, but I could always tell that I made a difference (tear).  I wondered where this feeling went when I left the service. I know it is said that parenting is an ungrateful job, but I cannot even see where I am making a difference. 

I told a friend of mine about this epiphany and how the letter moved me and then I guess she decided it was her turn to make me cry. Here is a little back story about me and this friend.  We worked together in a way and we could not stand each other.  I thought she was the rudest person, although I had never really talked to her much and I still do not know why she did not like me.  Well a mutual acquaintance confided in me as to why this person was so unhappy and asked if I would give her a chance.  Well this acquaintance should have been a match maker because my friend and I needed each other at that moment and for the rest of our lives.  We were both going through similar things and helped each other become confident and strong.  We do not always talk to each other, but I know if I ever need her she would be there and vice-versa.  Any-who....today she decided to tell me how awesome I am and how I affected her life and the tears came poring out.  I will forever be grate for this friend for her help in the past, her knowing what I need when I need it, and for just being the awesome person she is.

So for anyone reading this, just because your life is different for what ever reason it does not mean you are any less of a necessity to the world.  Your purpose may have changed; you just need to find it. (now I sound like a certain person on a show that rhymes with "Kev and Futon" lol)

I am a fixer

     In the last half of my Air Force career I discovered what I was good at...no it was not customer service :P .  I was good at fixing things.  After I was done fixing a program I was itching to move on to the next thing.  I had a supervisor that noticed this and put me to good use.  I then discovered that my career field was full of lazy folks that did just enough to get by, told people what they wanted to hear instead of finding the right answer etc which unfortunately gave my career field a bad name.  I on the other hand made it my lot in life (well Air Force life) to make sure that everyone I came into contact knew the right answers and had a stream lined process that was easy for their lazy butts to follow. 
     Now, I find that my life is following the same pattern...I keep having curve balls thrown at me and also have a need to find the "right" answers to everything.  I do not take no for an answer very often.  So over the last few years I have been finding new information about eating and health.  This information has transformed my cooking, pantry, and yard many times.  I have finally started successfully growing my own produce, shopped for deals on organic, and learned how to make many things from scratch.  Soooooo I guess it was about time for another curve ball.  My DD1's psoriasis has flared up bad and I refuse to put her on immune suppressants (that is a lazy easy fix that can destroy your body), so here I go researching and found that most psoriasis suffers (with good Drs) are intolerant to gluten which causes their body to react and flare up psoriasis.  With this information in hand and linking other symptoms to my daughter and myself our family decided to go on a gluten free diet.  It does not hurt to go on this diet.  It is just like making a choice to not eat meat.  My journey begins with looking for deals on gluten free products and researching recipes to make my own things like bread, hot cereal, crackers, granola, and pancakes.  I refuse to pay these high prices for specialized food.  I am so excited to be "fixing" another problem and hope that it will slow down her psoriasis.

Give me a few moments of peace....

...and I can accomplish a bazillion things.
     This evening has reminded me that if I am left alone I can accomplish so much in a short amount of time.  As an airman I used to get so frustrated because I could not get my work done and I looked so sh!tty, but when I become an NCO and was in charge of my own office I discovered that if I was left alone for just 1.5 hours I could accomplish 50% of the daily work load of a 4 person office. How amazing is that. So my rule was for the first 1.5 hours of the day I was to be left alone, unless their was some crazy emergency. My airman answered the phone, helped the customers etc and then we all just futzed around the rest of the day finishing up the rest of the work.  Now it may not seem "right" that I did so much of the office work load because I was in charge...blah blah blah, but I enjoyed it and loved having it done.  My airman were always more perky than I, so it was smart to have them help the customers and they all rocked at it!  It just worked out well and I loved it!
     So this evening my husband took my 4 dear daughters out of the house to run some errands and I got to work.  In a short 1.5 hours I finished a sewing project, started making hot dog buns (waiting for them to rise right now), started whole wheat bread (mixing in the bread maker right now), started dinner (just waiting for it to finish simmering), and got to blog in peace.  I really wish my daughters would go to him more for things in the house.  Maybe I should make a rule that for the 1.5 hours after dinner they can only go to my hubby.  I wonder how much I could accomplish. :)

Its been a minute...

     Wow! It has been a while since I have blogged. I am seriously unmotivated. I think that comes from the fact that nothing is expected of me.  My customers (my family) seem to be okay if I take forever to do something or not do it at all. I don't think that I like that. I really think that they should expect something from me, tell me when they want it and expect me to deliver.  Maybe I should receive a consequence for not doing it. I try to set up my own expectations, but it is not the same since I can keep pushing back the due date...lol. This housewife thing has really turned me into a lazy ass procrastinator.
     With that being said, I found an awesome blog (http://www.littlehouseliving.com/) that has inspired me to be even more frugal by making my own "preserved" food from raw ingredients. This chick even makes her own graham crackers and cheese crackers... WHAT!  So I am compiling a list of things I spend money on every week and I am going to attempt to make them and come up with a schedule to make sure I have them on hand when needed or wanted. Some of these things will have to wait until the ingredients are in season and I hope I can grow them myself. I really need to get on the ball with this garden of mine. Spring will be here before I know it.
My list so far:
Ice Cream, Canned Tomatoes, Cheese Crackers, Bread (done!), buns, canned beans, salsa, tortilla chips and pickles.

Feeling the need to control something....

...so this morning, after not being able to wear my jeans comfortably, I text-ed my husband to no longer make snack runs for me. 
     I am so frustrated trying to do right by my family and myself.  It is just as hard for me to not eat crap as it is for them.  Maybe even harder because I am the only one that seems to care about our eating habits, so I feel guilty if I eat garbage.  So, when I met up with my friend and her son we of course got to chatting about organic food and expense.  Her family is pretty much organic.  I wish I was that strong to not give into the yummy cupcakes and the corner store....mmmmmmm.   She made the comment to me that they give up a lot to eat right and that her husband even gets made fun of at work.  Then I got to thinking, well...maybe we can do this if everyone is supportive of each other. 
     I finally made it home after my taxi runs with the kids and I started going through my cabinets, taking inventory of what I had and what I needed, searched through my coupons (few of which are for organic food...darn!) and put my shopping list together.  When my husband came home, I tried to talk to him about it and like usual he just make a joke out of it. Now, I am mad and realizing how hard it is to be in charge of a household.  It is nothing like being in the military.  My requests are ignored and what can I do about it, nothing?  This is when I get into my "look, I am in charge, do what I say" mood which is not very productive in my household, so I need to come up with a better tactic.
1st - I am going to do the shopping like always and this family will get what they get
2nd - I am going to put in place Operation Everyone Eats a Healthy Breakfast (by finding crockpot breakfast recipes so my 3 early birds can eat before they leave)
3rd - I am going to keep nagging about making eating healthy a priority (does not really work, but makes me feel better)
As I was typing this my husband just walked by me with shoes on...ugh...I am always being ignored! I hate when he tracks sticker/poky things into the house, that is why we have the no shoes on the carpet rule during the fall and winter!!!  This Mom needs to find a way to get this family shipshape :D

Day 1 - My Family Thinks I Have Lost My Mind

     Yesterday I woke up with a purpose. I had something to look forward to....my experiment!  I got ready as if I had to leave by 8:30am.  I showered, got dressed, and even put a little make-up on. I also got my DD4 who is 2 dressed all ready to go. We ate breakfast and I even had time to put the dishes away and start some laundry. At 8:30am it was time to "leave for work." 
     DD4 and I went for a walk which took me about 30 minutes...amazingly this about the same amount of time that it takes for DH to get to work. I tried to get DD1, 2, and 3 to go, but they are enjoying their Thanksgiving Break too much. When I got "to work" I felt refreshed from the walk, but I had one lingering question. "What is different about "being at work" and "being at home?"  I still have not decided that, but I did tell myself that I needed to do things that are productive. I cleaned out my drink station and worked a little bit on my baking stash of junk.  I also started Day 1 with FlyLady by shining my sink.  I think that was my favorite part. It was so therapeutic. (If you want more information on FlyLady go to www dot FlyLady dot net) Later on I took my DDs out back and we checked on the family garden (I say it very expressively when I talk about it at home - FAMILY GARDEN people! not Mom's Garden!).  I also had my kids do a little yard raking so we could feed the composter. So far I feel accomplished. The rest of the day went as usually: a little bit of art, TV, nap, and boredom (for the kids). I also got a whole Chapter of Homework done after drinking my saved Gingerbread latte from Starbucks (purchased on special the night before). Tasted great!
     Oh I forgot! I even found the time to type up two Letter of Counselings for DD1 and DD2 for fighting. I got a kick outta typing these up.  I even formatted the style to Air Force as best as I could remember. It even lightened up my husband's day when I emailed to him.
Here is what they said:
1. On 20 November 2011, you were in two verbal and physical altercations with (DD1or2).  This is in direct violation of Rule #3 of the Family Contract dated 17 May 2011.  You are here by counseled.
2.  In our family we respect one another.  Also, you are the (second) oldest child and I expect you to set the example for your sisters.  If you have an issue with someone, I expect you to handle it without yelling, name calling, or any physical violence.  Any further misconduct will result in future negative consequences.
I worded it appropriate for each of my kids. You should have seen their faces when I had them sign the paperwork. 
     So then the time came to "go home."  I decided to seem even more crazy, I would "walk home" the opposite way.  I have to say, I think the afternoon walk did more good than the morning walk. It was nice to leave the stale house and get a break from the kids....although I had 3 of them with me.